Another entry of mine ...instead of seriously standing on either side of the Vegetarian-Non Vegetarian Debate,i chose to take a different spin on thinks...read on..:)
Well,its time for the grand showdown.You may have already read many of the critical comparisons of the two most tummy-rumbling food products of our time .The two burgers from either side of The Divide provide a yummy debate as to which is the better product.Not since the discovery of The Sliced Bread has the world witnessed such a spicy controversy...But the duck stops here.We provide the definitive answer to the Question with our thorough analysis...
1)The Look
The first thing you do with a burger?Eye it malovently and do a quick-approximation of whether it will satisfy one or not.It happens within a fraction of a second,and my scientist friends has proved that it doesnt matter at all.Well,Bullocks to my scientist friends as ...
Veggie Burger ~ In the green shorts,we have..The Veggie Burger!(Cheers and plant-chants!)...With a lot of mean green..Soy!,Does this food-product pack a lot of crunch.Veggie Aficianados contest hotly that the Veggie Burger has been the most mouth-watering invention of man since The Water-Bottle.Sandwiched between two juicy buns fresh from the oven..are layers of lettuces,onions,tomatoes,patty...with mayonnaise,mustard,ketchup added as per the sampler's taste.Together,they form a mosaic of breath-taking colors (thats why we discuss the smell seperately) more eye-catching than the word mississippi(eye-count : 4).If you dont believe in love at first sight..well,you'll have to see it to believe it.
Chicken Burger ~ In the other corner,we have ..in the red shorts..theeee Chicken Burger!(Beers and cat-calls!).Looking much the same,fanatic fans of the Chicken Burger claim it has all that the Veggie has...and more.The very look inspires visions of feather-flapping tongue-clucking chickens all waiting to be devoured.But well,that's kinda nauseating.Not at all inspiring. Round One to the Veggie Burger!
But ,as they say dont judge a Burger by its outer crust.
Veggie Burger 1-0 Chicken Burger
2)The Aroma(Ahhhhhh)
As already mentioned,these products are breath-taking to say the least and outright lung-bursting,to say a little more.Both have that aroma that wafts through your nostrils,elevating one to the upper-echelons of Gourmet Goodness.But we are doing relative grading here,and the most lenient of the infamous IITK Prof's will agree that what matters is not how you perform,but whether you outperform.And with that little teeny-weeny extra tinge of Chicken ...the Chicken Burger wins by a short beak.
Veggie Burger 1 - 1 Chicken Burger
3)The Taste
As we come to the third category in our much-anticipated Burger-Showdown,the fight sizzles just like 'em Burger Patties being golden-fried in oil on the grill.But when it comes to taste,both deliver what they promise .MindBlowingly tasty,they send your tastebuds to TasteBud Heaven and back.But the chicken does it again,with an amazing 1 out of 1 person,Mr.Atep Itna(name withheld) saying that the Chicken Burger grossly out-tasted the Veggie Burger.Thats a Whopping 100 % folks!A Landslide victory...
Veggie Burger 1- 2 Chicken Burger
4)MCDonalds Bout
Well,You gotta admit,What an average person eats is not what they make at home or the Burger-By-The-Road.As for Burger King,they can be ignored as a negligible variable.What remains constant is that most people go to that big-friendly ubiqitous yellow M to have their daily meal.And seeing as the average guy has a less-than-average IQ,what they like is what sounds goodAnd whether they choose to Super-Size it or not,The McChicken Burger is a much more awesome name than the McVeggie Burger.McChicken sounds all Mc'cky and Chickeny..whereas the McVeggie just sounds plain mucky and gives you the heebie-jeebies.McChicken rules the roost!
Veggie Burger 1-3 Chicken Burger
5)The Big Question
"Why did the Chicken cross the road?" must be one of the most funny lines in Humor History ever.With a billion funny off-springs,it must be one of the most enduring timesless master-pieces.And whats funny is,it actually IS funny,unlike many other jokes(I'm looking at you,knock-knock). Just the fact that there aint no"Why did the Veggie cross the road?" classic is enough to give this one to the Chicken Burger.
Veggie Burger 1-4 Chicken Burger
6)Google Fight 1
Veggie Burger is the best....300,000 results
Chicken Burger is the best...278,000 results
Veggie Burger 2-4Chicken Burger
7)Price
Not every man can afford that burger-a-hour.So cost counts and counts a lot.After all,it boils down to whether you can actually pay for that sumptous Burger of your choice,and as is universally known,the Veggie Burger wins this one wings down.
Veggie Burger 3-4 Chicken Burger
8)PETA Expansion
"People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals" are a well-meaning warm-hearted group of blokes standing up for what they think is right.Well,most of them atleast."People Eating Tasty Animals" on the other hand is a distasteful expansion,though it is just about remotely funny.Veggie Burger forever!
Veggie Burger 4-4 Chicken Burger
9)Coin Toss
We all agree luck matters a lot.
Coin used~Standard One Rupee coin.Heads to the Veggie burger,Tails to the chicken Burger.
THHTTHHTTH
Tie Breaker-T.
Veggie Burger 4-5 Chicken Burger
10 )Ethics
After all,we should take the chicken's point of view into consideration as well.I mean,who would like to be roasted and eaten.The Veggie Burger is as nutritious and comes cheaper.And whatever extra proteins Chicken has,vegetables do too.And agreed,plants might feel pain too,but cmon,dont tell me animals dont feel it more.And if we can live comfortably by being vegetarian...isnt eating non-vegetarian food uncalled for?Especially when the animals are treated so badly...i think almost all of you agree that the Veggie Burger is more ethical than the Chicken Burger ...
Conscience persues us to give it to the Veggie Burger.
Veggie Burger 5-5 Chicken Burger
11) Google Fight 2
Eating Chicken Burger Will help you get laid ...73,800 results
Eating Veggie Burger will help you get laid..153,000 results
That does it.End of Story.
Veggie Burger 6-5 Chicken Burger
So,there you have it,folks!The Big Burger Battle is over!Eleven rounds of nail-biting edge-of-the-seat action,and the Veggie Burger emerges the deserving winner 6-5.Close..but the Veggie Burger manages to win it at the last moment.So its the Veggie Burger that rules the roost after all.Thats it for this issue...so long,and thanks for all the fish!
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Monday, February 18, 2008
My entry for the Creative Writing Contest....we were to write a Hate Mail to a girlfriend who's dumped me..albeit in a subtle manner..here was my entry :)
(Girlfriend who dumped me finds this in her mailbox)
From,
Mr. Riotous BloodBather The CapitaL AddicT.
Scout-In-Chief,
Society of the Professionally Bloody
(Your very own neighborhood Chapter),
Kanpur.
To,
Miss(named). Sweety Tweety,
Room Oh-Oh-Three,
Houses of the Pretty,
Kanpur.
Date : A Particularly Bitter Variety from the Sub-Saharan Desert.
Hey there!
You might be(should be)wondering what this is all about..for all you know,this might be just another piece of utter bull-crap thats popped into your mailbox and is full of advice to buy "Diaper Pre-Pubescence,for absorption par excellence!Just two dollars and five pence!" or other such pointless ad's.Patience pays,my friend.Yes,i am your friend.A friend who'll pay.No,i don't mean i ll pay for my sins.And NO, my name isn't Patience either,you Dim-Wit.I mean to say i could soon be your well-paying universally hated employer. :)
We,at the Society of the Professionally Bloody..are well,professional..and,um..Bloody.Right.Moving On.We have regular meetings discussing cutting-edge research in Rude Behavior,Cruel Conversations and also have courses like Cruelty101 and Sadism 203 where the adept teach the inept "Le Sublime Art'. I am the Scout-In-Chief of the local chapter.My job entails creeping around in the dark and shadow-tailing prospective new members in the shady neighborhood.And Oh Boy,have you caught my eye.
Here i go on to why we think You should be a member of the most secretive infamous group in history..
Your latest Boy-Friend dumping is a case in point.What an Awesome Arsenal you have.
1)Deadly Deception
Your first date with your boyfriend.Simply Stunning.The Perfect Gal role played to Absolute Perfection.The way you fell for him ..wooh,even i fell for it.Within five minutes,you had the guy thinking you were the kindest,warmest,smartest...and basically the most awesomest girl he would ever meet.The way you laughed at his jokes..and how you made him feel he is some-one special.He had the Light in his eyes,as if he was in the presence of a divine form..you executed it all to perfection.And you had me thinking what the world has come to. I grimaced and moved on with anticipation to a couple near-by who were having a juicy row(They kissed and made up in five minutes.Sigh).Little did i know that i was in the vicinity of an Actress Goddess.Hats,caps,helmets and all kinds of headgear off for that performance.
2)Brutal BloodSucking
I must admit when my superior ,His Uncouthness Mr. Acrid Spiteson the Second(Curses be upon him)told me to keep tabs on you,i thought something had caved in his upper storey.I mean,you were the milk of human kindness in there,and here he was telling me(his most efficient scout, and i'm handsome too...) to see if you had the stuff!But i was soon made to eat my hat,as i saw that you were the very definition of Brutal BloodSucking.I mean,the most blood-sucking leech would be put to shame if it could see the way you drained the stuff out of the man.Hitler,Mussolini and all of those good ol' Society Legends would be turning in their graves.Within a week, it was roses by the dozens,and money by the thousands.Subtle Hints that you want this Gothic Jewel and that Blood Diamond,along with that Seductive dimpled Smile of yours had him pull out those wads out of that bottomless pocket of his Fat-Bottomed Father with abandon.And he actually thought he was making you happy,sad fellow.Those roses had so much meaning attached to them..he spent hours searching for that perfect card to give ya.And the way you really attached next to none value to them,but managed to convey to him that they were priceless,i mean,how do you do that?Your code of morals must be REALLY flexible.Or you must have morals at all.I personally think its the second..you just are too good.And on those daily voyages to the poshest restaurants the city has to offer,You had the Will and the Skill to make him pay the Bill once you had your Fill. You would fit into our clandestine Financing Department like a dish in a dishwasher.
3) UberNasty U-Turn
Two weeks into it,and Mr,Innocent didn't have even a whiff of what was cooking.You were the very fountain of warmth till that Sunday.I cant help sympathizing with the guy.First throw,and he had to get you.Of all the gazillion simpering single women looking for their soul-mates ,he had to get the one most equipped to make one lose belief in the Fairness of the Fairer Sex.Glowing Smile turned to Icy Stare.Those Daisy Dimples turned to Foreboding Frowns.And the total absence of any reason for the sudden change...Master Class.Conversations on the phone were cut short by hasty interruptions from the Ubiquitous Milkman.Nights of Passion were replaced by Sleepless Inaction.He just didn't know what hit him.And you actually managed to make him think it was all his fault!That he had done something wrong!The confusion and Turmoil you put him in...refreshingly exquisite.You had me gaping at thy Performance Breath-Taking.
4)Freaky Finale
I returned dazed to Headquarters..to report that you were the meanest in the neighborhood i have ever set eyes upon.And you are!And the way you finished him off is a case-study in Brutality and Unfeelingness .You set him up so nicely,he actually came apologizing and crying to you to forgive him.You were with that other guy then,feeling him up and setting him up as well...when this guy walks in.But the Being that you are,and the Powers of deception that you wield,you had him believe he was a worker.Wooh.Deception 101 is all yours for the teaching.And right there,you blasted him for being dishonest,for ruining your life,for deceiving you and what-not and let me tell ya,i have never seen such a compelling believable performance ever.If that doesn't deserve an Oscar,i don't know what does.He was pale and shaken..like a dry martini.He just went chalk-white.And i was licking my lips as i Knew that here was the Genuine Article.Kudos,Bravo..you are filled with the Stuff to the Brim.
And benefits of joining?We have a database of easy-money losers who'll fall for ya,though i think you could take any guy for a ride.You'll be the highest paid of the younger faculty though.And of course,you'll get tour share of the monthly earnings.And above all,we have loads of fun discussing new strategies and putting them into action.
If you want to join,just turn up at The Kingston Bar this Sunday..and i shall contact you.
Cheers,
Yours,
R.B.
(Girlfriend who dumped me finds this in her mailbox)
From,
Mr. Riotous BloodBather The CapitaL AddicT.
Scout-In-Chief,
Society of the Professionally Bloody
(Your very own neighborhood Chapter),
Kanpur.
To,
Miss(named). Sweety Tweety,
Room Oh-Oh-Three,
Houses of the Pretty,
Kanpur.
Date : A Particularly Bitter Variety from the Sub-Saharan Desert.
Hey there!
You might be(should be)wondering what this is all about..for all you know,this might be just another piece of utter bull-crap thats popped into your mailbox and is full of advice to buy "Diaper Pre-Pubescence,for absorption par excellence!Just two dollars and five pence!" or other such pointless ad's.Patience pays,my friend.Yes,i am your friend.A friend who'll pay.No,i don't mean i ll pay for my sins.And NO, my name isn't Patience either,you Dim-Wit.I mean to say i could soon be your well-paying universally hated employer. :)
We,at the Society of the Professionally Bloody..are well,professional..and,um..Bloody.Right.Moving On.We have regular meetings discussing cutting-edge research in Rude Behavior,Cruel Conversations and also have courses like Cruelty101 and Sadism 203 where the adept teach the inept "Le Sublime Art'. I am the Scout-In-Chief of the local chapter.My job entails creeping around in the dark and shadow-tailing prospective new members in the shady neighborhood.And Oh Boy,have you caught my eye.
Here i go on to why we think You should be a member of the most secretive infamous group in history..
Your latest Boy-Friend dumping is a case in point.What an Awesome Arsenal you have.
1)Deadly Deception
Your first date with your boyfriend.Simply Stunning.The Perfect Gal role played to Absolute Perfection.The way you fell for him ..wooh,even i fell for it.Within five minutes,you had the guy thinking you were the kindest,warmest,smartest...and basically the most awesomest girl he would ever meet.The way you laughed at his jokes..and how you made him feel he is some-one special.He had the Light in his eyes,as if he was in the presence of a divine form..you executed it all to perfection.And you had me thinking what the world has come to. I grimaced and moved on with anticipation to a couple near-by who were having a juicy row(They kissed and made up in five minutes.Sigh).Little did i know that i was in the vicinity of an Actress Goddess.Hats,caps,helmets and all kinds of headgear off for that performance.
2)Brutal BloodSucking
I must admit when my superior ,His Uncouthness Mr. Acrid Spiteson the Second(Curses be upon him)told me to keep tabs on you,i thought something had caved in his upper storey.I mean,you were the milk of human kindness in there,and here he was telling me(his most efficient scout, and i'm handsome too...) to see if you had the stuff!But i was soon made to eat my hat,as i saw that you were the very definition of Brutal BloodSucking.I mean,the most blood-sucking leech would be put to shame if it could see the way you drained the stuff out of the man.Hitler,Mussolini and all of those good ol' Society Legends would be turning in their graves.Within a week, it was roses by the dozens,and money by the thousands.Subtle Hints that you want this Gothic Jewel and that Blood Diamond,along with that Seductive dimpled Smile of yours had him pull out those wads out of that bottomless pocket of his Fat-Bottomed Father with abandon.And he actually thought he was making you happy,sad fellow.Those roses had so much meaning attached to them..he spent hours searching for that perfect card to give ya.And the way you really attached next to none value to them,but managed to convey to him that they were priceless,i mean,how do you do that?Your code of morals must be REALLY flexible.Or you must have morals at all.I personally think its the second..you just are too good.And on those daily voyages to the poshest restaurants the city has to offer,You had the Will and the Skill to make him pay the Bill once you had your Fill. You would fit into our clandestine Financing Department like a dish in a dishwasher.
3) UberNasty U-Turn
Two weeks into it,and Mr,Innocent didn't have even a whiff of what was cooking.You were the very fountain of warmth till that Sunday.I cant help sympathizing with the guy.First throw,and he had to get you.Of all the gazillion simpering single women looking for their soul-mates ,he had to get the one most equipped to make one lose belief in the Fairness of the Fairer Sex.Glowing Smile turned to Icy Stare.Those Daisy Dimples turned to Foreboding Frowns.And the total absence of any reason for the sudden change...Master Class.Conversations on the phone were cut short by hasty interruptions from the Ubiquitous Milkman.Nights of Passion were replaced by Sleepless Inaction.He just didn't know what hit him.And you actually managed to make him think it was all his fault!That he had done something wrong!The confusion and Turmoil you put him in...refreshingly exquisite.You had me gaping at thy Performance Breath-Taking.
4)Freaky Finale
I returned dazed to Headquarters..to report that you were the meanest in the neighborhood i have ever set eyes upon.And you are!And the way you finished him off is a case-study in Brutality and Unfeelingness .You set him up so nicely,he actually came apologizing and crying to you to forgive him.You were with that other guy then,feeling him up and setting him up as well...when this guy walks in.But the Being that you are,and the Powers of deception that you wield,you had him believe he was a worker.Wooh.Deception 101 is all yours for the teaching.And right there,you blasted him for being dishonest,for ruining your life,for deceiving you and what-not and let me tell ya,i have never seen such a compelling believable performance ever.If that doesn't deserve an Oscar,i don't know what does.He was pale and shaken..like a dry martini.He just went chalk-white.And i was licking my lips as i Knew that here was the Genuine Article.Kudos,Bravo..you are filled with the Stuff to the Brim.
And benefits of joining?We have a database of easy-money losers who'll fall for ya,though i think you could take any guy for a ride.You'll be the highest paid of the younger faculty though.And of course,you'll get tour share of the monthly earnings.And above all,we have loads of fun discussing new strategies and putting them into action.
If you want to join,just turn up at The Kingston Bar this Sunday..and i shall contact you.
Cheers,
Yours,
R.B.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Magazine making..:-/
Time for another post.Hoping to post one atleast every two days from now..:)
Well..the mid-sems provided a much UN-needed break to all the fun,and a week of torture ended with me performing decent in math and batti(elec) ,bad in TA(Technical Arts...Drawing Crap)and rank bad in none other than my very own departmental,the physics paper.
Ah well,whats done is done,no point in crying over spilt milk,we should learn from our mistakes,failure is the stepping stone to success an all dat taken into account,i swinged right into the usual time-wasting action packed schedule :D
First off,the ELS arranged a magazine making contest..so five of us usual peeps~me,aditya naveen,siddharth,anish,ketan...the English Literary cum photography cum fun cum what-not gang went into it with gusto.Three hours.18 A4 size sheets.Colour pens an stuff.Gotta make a magazine.
We put in pretty decent articles and two real good poems an other stuff,but the designing was horrible.Another team had such a front cover,ours paled into nothing in comparison.Hmmm.No hopes there.Better luck next time i guess.
Other than that,its been pretty normal .Reading The Reluctant Fundamentalist by Mohsin Hamid for the Literary Discussion Group meeting next weekend,thats something to look forward to.Also might go the Delhi Book Fair coming up in two weeks...
Also,went to a Video Conferencing Session with Mr.Myr ,senior developer of Mozilla Corporation who took some time off to chat about add-ons and all that in mozilla...was fun too,,
And planning to go to Manali in the mid-sem break (march mid) for skiing ....from IITK Adventure Club.Ought to be fun too.Only prob,conditioning camp everyday morn 6 30.At sub-ten temps.Sigh.
Anyways,there s a lab tomorrow at ten.Gotta get up for that.Else,will gfet fucked ..
Til tomorrow,
Saketh(~SaKi..wat say:) )
Well..the mid-sems provided a much UN-needed break to all the fun,and a week of torture ended with me performing decent in math and batti(elec) ,bad in TA(Technical Arts...Drawing Crap)and rank bad in none other than my very own departmental,the physics paper.
Ah well,whats done is done,no point in crying over spilt milk,we should learn from our mistakes,failure is the stepping stone to success an all dat taken into account,i swinged right into the usual time-wasting action packed schedule :D
First off,the ELS arranged a magazine making contest..so five of us usual peeps~me,aditya naveen,siddharth,anish,ketan...the English Literary cum photography cum fun cum what-not gang went into it with gusto.Three hours.18 A4 size sheets.Colour pens an stuff.Gotta make a magazine.
We put in pretty decent articles and two real good poems an other stuff,but the designing was horrible.Another team had such a front cover,ours paled into nothing in comparison.Hmmm.No hopes there.Better luck next time i guess.
Other than that,its been pretty normal .Reading The Reluctant Fundamentalist by Mohsin Hamid for the Literary Discussion Group meeting next weekend,thats something to look forward to.Also might go the Delhi Book Fair coming up in two weeks...
Also,went to a Video Conferencing Session with Mr.Myr ,senior developer of Mozilla Corporation who took some time off to chat about add-ons and all that in mozilla...was fun too,,
And planning to go to Manali in the mid-sem break (march mid) for skiing ....from IITK Adventure Club.Ought to be fun too.Only prob,conditioning camp everyday morn 6 30.At sub-ten temps.Sigh.
Anyways,there s a lab tomorrow at ten.Gotta get up for that.Else,will gfet fucked ..
Til tomorrow,
Saketh(~SaKi..wat say:) )
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Robin Hood!
The first thing i ever wrote i believe.
I was in my sixth standard. It was the half-yearly examination, and the last question of my english paper was to finish a poem! She had given two sentences.. and we had to finish it. It went like this -
My neighbour is Robin Hood,
and he lives in Sherwood.
In the middle of the wood he would stand,
with his merry band.
Up the trees he would climb,
leaving his band far behind.
He would then scout the wood,
for any sign of food.
Later, he would crouch behind the bushes,
until a merchant comes in glee.
He would pounce upon him like a tiger,
and the merchant would flee.
He would rob the merchant of his wealth,
and go back with stealth.
On the way, if he saw a stag,
he would kill it and put it in his bag.
And he would use his spear,
to kill many a deer.
Back inside the middle of the wood,
he would give all his loot and food,
to those who were in need,
all his loot and food indeed!
In this way he would live his day,
happy and gay..
------------
That was it. She said it was very good. I was understandably ecstatic about completing something of my own. Good or no - I am still happy there are not more than one or two grammatical mistakes there :).
I was in my sixth standard. It was the half-yearly examination, and the last question of my english paper was to finish a poem! She had given two sentences.. and we had to finish it. It went like this -
My neighbour is Robin Hood,
and he lives in Sherwood.
In the middle of the wood he would stand,
with his merry band.
Up the trees he would climb,
leaving his band far behind.
He would then scout the wood,
for any sign of food.
Later, he would crouch behind the bushes,
until a merchant comes in glee.
He would pounce upon him like a tiger,
and the merchant would flee.
He would rob the merchant of his wealth,
and go back with stealth.
On the way, if he saw a stag,
he would kill it and put it in his bag.
And he would use his spear,
to kill many a deer.
Back inside the middle of the wood,
he would give all his loot and food,
to those who were in need,
all his loot and food indeed!
In this way he would live his day,
happy and gay..
------------
That was it. She said it was very good. I was understandably ecstatic about completing something of my own. Good or no - I am still happy there are not more than one or two grammatical mistakes there :).
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